Monster Crap Inductee: How To Make A Monster
You’ll Never Learn, Intern.
The summer is almost at an end, but before we get to the last film and probably the one most known, we go to one that probably is less known than Congo and the final film thanks to the fact that it wasn’t released in theaters nor a straight to DVD film at first. In fact, it was a straight to Cinemax film. Now normally, when you think Cinemax, you would think Porno Pete would be picking this, but that is false as sometimes and now currently, Cinemax has decided to try something different. In 2001, they would release 4 films that would be remakes of schlock creature feature films with help from Stan Winston’s effects company. This would be the third of those releases (after She-Creature & Earth vs. The Spider…and before that godawful Teenage Caveman).
Now I’m sure you are wondering if I will ever cover the original on this site. Well, the answer is no because while it has that title, there are actually no monsters in it. It actually has to do with a special effects artist (who is getting fired) using hypnosis and his makeups to make his actors look like monsters and kill those who fired him. It is a film that is completely boring and isn’t worth anyone’s time except for the fact that the makeup effects are good.
Now unlike that film, this film has an actual monster and instead of makeup effects, someone decided to do something different and have it based on video games. They got a decent cast with people like Clea Duvall and Steven Culp. Other people are also in this film, but those are the two main stars and the director. Clea Duvall was in another monster movie that was pretty good in the Faculty as the goth girl Stokely “Stokes” Mitchell and Steven Culp’s most famous performance was in Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday.
He Was The Jerk Reporter Boyfriend Of Our Female Lead Who Got Possessed By Jason Voorhees In Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday…Which I Will Induct One Day.
So with that out of the way, let’s get into this film.
We begin this film with opening credits as we get an overview of the motion capture suit that will serve as basically the monster here. Hey, I know a motion capture suit being possessed doesn’t seem that big of a deal, but in the film you will learn that the suit does accessorize.
We Also Get A Very Generic Title Screen. Yeah, A Lot Of Bad Movies Seem To Have That Issue.
After the opening credits, we go to a video game that might have come from a really crappy Sega CD game and of course that is definitely not helped by the monster here.
Which Looks Like Someone May Have Put Crash Bandicoot On Some Experimental Steroids And It Had Some Side Effects.
Of course we then see kids playing this game as testers, laughing at this whole thing as the intern for this video game company Laura comes in with cookies.
She tells the kids that they will pass out cookies to the kids for testing the game, but first they have to give their opinion of the game. We then cut to three kids who basically say the game stinks.
First Kid Says It Sucked Big Time
Second Kid Says The Monster Looked Like A Sesame Street Reject. True, Although I Feel My Crash Bandicoot Comparison Was Better
Of course, we see behind the fish tank is the head of the company Faye Clayton with the programmers of the game and she is not happy.
Oh And The Head Is Colleen Camp, Who Is Known For Being The Female Cop Who Ends Up With Tackleberry In The Police Academy Movies And Connie In Die Hard With A Vengeance. She Is Also One Of The Producers Of This Film.
Before I continue, here is a problem. You are making a game called Evilution that is supposed to be scary and while I may have never been a tester for a video game, I don’t think they have kids test those games since this was kind of after the video games rating board became a thing and they would surely not allow this game that is obviously supposed to be rated M or T to be played by kids who would only be recommended playing games that are rated E or E-10 at most. Oh and mostly they are going to be tested by adults probably because the looks aren’t the only things being tested as the main thing that is tested (by companies that are responsible) is if the game plays well.
But yeah, the kids hate the game and Faye fires all of the programmers for doing such a shitty job.
Them Being Surprised That They Got Canned Seems Extremely Funny Since They Did Do A Terrible Job
One of them asks who is going to finish the game and we go to her interviewing Drummond, who has three guys he works with who he believes can make the game work.
Stephen Culp In A Role Where He Doesn’t Have To Worry About Being Possessed By A Jason Voorhees Worm.
He says that starting from scratch on the video game is not going to be easy, but he mentions that this is all about the 7.4 billion, which is what the video game profits netted in last year alone. He says these video games are like crack to kids, only legal…but he says the head already knows that. He then talks about the way to hook the kids by scaring them, which if you look at a lot of the most successful video games out there, is mostly not true.
We then meet the first of Drummond’s people in Hardcore.
Hi Sabretooth From The Original X-Men Movie
He explains that Hardcore is his real name as he had it legally changed a year ago. He mentions that he wanted to be named Diablo, but someone already has that name (which is not how that works, unless you are trying to file a trademark on the name). He then says that he will legally change his name to Diablo when the person who has that name passes away. Oh and he has a rap sheet too for Involuntary Manslaughter and Resisting Arrest.
We go back to Drummond who says that today’s kids have seen it all so if you want to scare them, you have to be out there…which is the three guys he has under him for this game. We then meet the next guy who is named Bug.
It’s Jason Marsden, Known Mostly For His Voice Acting Work In Cartoons Like “The Adventures of Gummi Bears” And “Peter Pan & The Pirates” (He Was Peter Pan). He Was Also Eddie Munster In “The Munsters Today” And Was In Other Shows Like Eerie, Indiana; And Step By Step. He Also Voiced Acted For Video Games So If You See Baldur’s Gate I & II In The Background, It’s Because He Was In Those Games.
Bug is a nerd who talks way too fast and likes to ramble. He talks about how he had to leave one company because he really doesn’t know why. He mentions that people may find him annoying, but when it comes to crunch time, people call him for the sounds of video games. He mentions that his real name is Gordon, but everyone calls him Bug and Faye can call him Bug as well. It is also revealed that Bug has been committed to a Mental Ward before.
Drummond then says that he knows that the guys seem very difficult and unconventional, but you can’t expect some boring, ordinary dweeb to program something scary because they don’t know scary. He says that these guys do. We then meet our final guy working under Drummond, who is Sol.
Hey Everyone, It’s The Blue Alien Ranger Cestro
Sol is a bit of a prima donna who thinks he knows better than everyone else. He mentions that Sol is short for Solomon, who is the king of all that is wise. He says he is the solution to all of Faye’s problems. He has stress balls in his hands so you can tell he obviously has some stress issues. He also thinks the question of why should they hire him is stupid and goes on like “why is the sky blue” and then kind of insults Faye by saying that she dresses like she is 32 years old when she really may be in the 50s.
Drummond comes back and says that this game is going to kick ass because of these guys are kick ass. He explains that these guys will give the game muscle, insanity, and attitude. He doesn’t blame Faye for being scared of these freaks as he is as well, but he says that is what makes them perfect for this game.
Faye immediately hires all four and they are in the room. Drummond asks what they think of the place and Hardcore says it is a dump, but he loves dumps. Laura introduces herself as the intern and she has cookies for everyone. Hardcore does not trust her and thinks Laura is a spy. Bug asks for plain oatmeal instead of chocolate chip as he has an allergy to chocolate. Hardcore thinks Laura may have put something in the cookies, but Sol calls him a sociopath for thinking that. Drummond gets them back on focus on the game and when asked about it, Laura says it is on the computer, but those other guys kind of locked them out.
And Put Up A Middle Finger As Their Final Insult
Laura says she tried to call the other guys and before she can continue, Drummond cuts her off and tells his guys that it is time to get to work. We see a montage of the crew making their desks like home with Hardcore having lots of blunt weapons, Sol with his stress balls, and his tool kit. Sol immediately breaks the lock that the programmers put on the computer and they see that the game is terrible.
Faye comes in and asks if they can make the game scary. Hardcore tells her that scary is what they do. Faye tells them they have four weeks to make it scary. Well, Faye…here is what you will get in four weeks of making a game.
And You Would Be Lucky To Make That As That Game Took Five Weeks To Make
All of them are shocked they have that little time and complain that no one can make an entire game in four weeks. Faye explains that they don’t have any time as production starts in one month and she says forget everything else as all she wants is a scary monster. Sigh…all you want is a scary monster, then tell them to make a demo with the monster and halt production until you finish the game.
Faye then tells them about spies being everywhere and other people may steal their idea for this game and release it first. You mean like Battleborn did before Overwatch by two weeks. Yeah, Battleborn is basically Overwatch, but released first. However, Battleborn is not even talked about compared to Overwatch. I think we need to basically accept that these filmmakers probably do not understand how video games work so we might as well move on.
Faye explains that there is security everywhere as cameras are recording everything they do and each door is fully alarmed so the whole place will seal off itself. They all consider leaving since slavery was abolished, but Faye says that a test group will rate their work and whoever gets the best scores gets a one million dollar bonus. That basically convinces them all to stay and she leaves.
We then cut to three weeks later and we see they have done quite a bit to make the game better, which would basically be impossible, but like I said, we are definitely not dealing with reality here and if you are willing to suspend your disbelief on this, I am as well. Laura comes in with supplies and sees no one at their desks. She goes to feed the fishes, but Hardcore scares her by shooting an arrow hear her.
Hardcore asks why the spy (yeah, Hardcore still thinks she is one) cares about the fishes to feed them. Laura says she just can’t let them die and Hardcore says of course she can. Also you can tell with Hardcore that all four of them just want the one million dollar bonus all to themselves. He says if she wants to make it in the video game world, you have to be PFD. He then cuts his thumb and says that means Programmed For Damage.
Laura goes to the kitchen and makes some tea. Bug is behind her and it scares her for a minute. He apologizes and wants to ask her a question, but she gives him stuff for his acne and he leaves the room. Laura then asks what he wanted to ask her, but he is already gone and you can hear behind the door that he is calling himself stupid as it was obvious he was trying to ask her out.
She has some wine for Sol and goes to his office, she sees that Sol has disturbing imagery playing all over his computer. Sol shows up and yells at her, thinking she is Bug. He realizes she isn’t Bug and he likes the wine, but stops as he thinks that Hardcore put her up to it. She asks if she can do something nice for him, but Sol tells her not to play him. She smiles and says she needs his technical expertise. She wants to deliver nine gigs across a T3 line and she wants to know how the best way to compress and encrypt the data. She explains what she wants to do, but an alarm sounds and it reveals that the download is complete. Sol says that he ran a search for the word “monster” and says there is a lot of heinous shit out there. He explains that all of it is going on his A.I. engine. Laura says that the kids aren’t going to use words like “A.I. engine”, but Sol says they will use words like “challenging”. “exciting”, and “kick ass”. He says the kids are going to know that this is no Cracker Jack game that they are playing that they can just memorize a bunch of key strokes to beat as this game is going to learn with you and no game will ever be the same game. Hmm…I think we created that kind of system which people love so points for thinking into the future movie.
We also see that all of them are confident and all of them have kind of been sabotaging each other just so they can get the million dollar bonus. Drummond is in his office yelling at Faye over the phone that the bonus is hurting the game as all of them are going to screw the game so their part can be the best part and they are overloading the system. He tells Sol to fix the overloading issues because the overload caused his conversation with Faye to be cut off.
Drummond asks what is she doing and Laura says she has this idea she wanted to run by him after Evilution. Drummond says that isn’t what he meant when he asked that. He wondered what a young, attractive woman like her is doing hanging around grubby, desperate geeks like them as they normally don’t do it by choice. He says she should be out there, living it up looking for their Mr. Big. She says she had a friend who tried that and she found her Mr. Big (or so she thought), but then his trust fund ran out. Drummond says it still should be fun than this and Laura says that it was fun for a while, but Mr. Big became an asshole stalker who graduated to Mr. Get Your Hands Off Me. Because of this, Laura says she will take her chances with the geeks. Drummond just smiles and says the geeks are flattered.
Drummond then asks about the idea and Laura is shocked that he wants to hear it now. Laura is about to give out her idea, but Drummond has to go stop Sol and Hardcore from killing each other as they fight. Drummond tells the two to stop fighting with each other and start working on the game and not the bonus. He calls them stupid as asks if they think that all of this is worth a million dollars. They both say yes and he says it isn’t as this is worth more. He says that Faye knows it is worth more, but it won’t be worth shit if the game isn’t finished. He tells the two that he knows they don’t like each other that much and Drummond doesn’t like them either, but if this game does well, they all do well as there will be bonuses for everybody and then they will never have to see each other again. Of course this pep talk is interrupted as Bug has bought in former Penthouse pet and porn actress Julie Strain and…
Oh Dear God…
Did You Say Julie Strain?
*Sigh* Yes, I did. She plays herself and…
Oh yeah!!! Star of films like Virtual Desire, Takin’ It Off Out West, Bikini Hotel, Dark Secrets, Desirable Liaisons, The Escort III, Sex Court: The Movie, and she was the Bare Wench in all five Bare Wench Project Movies. You know they have more Bare Wench Projects than there are actual Blair Witch Projects?
Yes, I was kind of aware of that (although seriously five films?), but Pete, this is my summer and you had your fun two years ago. Could you do me this huge favor and not ruin this with your perverted thoughts and ideas? I mean, go watch one of those films of hers instead that isn’t this one.
Oh, I’m way ahead of you on that one.
Good…now back to the movie. Drummond tells the two to please stop fighting and stop overloading the system and they say okay, but it is obvious because they would rather hang with Julie Strain instead. Laura wonders why they don’t just share the bonus and Drummond just shakes his head and says this quote, which is something he says several times.
Drummond: You’ll learn, intern…you’ll learn.
Oh and someone is a fan of P.O.D. since I can definitely hear “Alive” play in the background. Well, I hope they got P.O.D.’s permission before playing that because while it is not played loudly, you can easily hear it.
While Julie is in the restroom, Bug tells her through the door that he is a really big fan of hers. He says with her roles in Heavy Metal 2000 and Guns of Chupacabra, that she is the perfect blend of beauty and brawn that they need for this game. Julie comes out of the bathroom and complains that her agent told her this was an acting gig and she didn’t like driving in the rain for a video game. But Bug assures her that this is a video game as these games require lots of acting, but in their line of business, they call it motion capture. She asks about the camera and bug says they will actually be using a motion capture suit and a computer to replicate her movements for the game. She asks where the crew is and that is when Sol and Hardcore come in.
In another room, they give Julie the wardrobe and well…
It Isn’t Much
She thinks this is a joke, but Hardcore decides that they really don’t need the bra & panties.
She complains that her agent said no nudity and the three programmers explain that they need to scan her and for the best digital transfer, she needs to be nude. I guess I could mention how that is a complete lie, but once again I’m just going with it at this point.
Julie says that if they want to see the big guns (her breasts), they renegotiate. She knows that these video games mean big business so she wants in on the IPO, preferred stock (none of the crap you dump into the pension fund), and she wants it in writing. All three men look at each other and say she has a deal. She is happy and asks who is scanning her, which Hardcore makes the other two let him do that part. Then after a few minutes, the other two want to see her strip as well.
The thunder outside is strong and as Hardcore & Sol are on the computer, we see that have tied Bug to a chair with duct tape. He complains how this is completely unfair as he brought her in so he should at least get to play with her too. Sol tells Bug to shut up and Bug goes on about how they are jealous of his tech and he says how it will get him the bonus. They then argue again about their ownership of the million dollar bonus, but that all changes when Julie comes into the room.
Awhooooooooooo....Hey, Why The Censoring Crap
First of all, it is so I dont become just an adults only site and second of all, I thought you were done.
I was, but when I passed by and saw those knockers on your little computer, I just had to come back.
Man…this can’t get any worse.
I’m In Love….*Drools*
That’s it!!! Scram, you jackoff!!! Do I have to get the freaking broom out here because I will break the broom over your head and then shove it up your ass!!! Get out, now!!!!
Alright, jeez…you don’t need to go that far. I’m out, man. You seriously are no fun.
*Porno Pete leaves and Seth breathes to calm himself down.*
Alright…sorry for the yelling, but sometimes that guy gets on my absolute nerves and I have to set him straight. Back to the movie and they make her do other poses with the sword so they can use her as a basis for the heroin in this game. She is getting into it and of course, the programmers never take their eyes off her. Honestly, I don’t blame them.
But Of Course Lightning Has To Come In And Ruin The Party By Short Circuiting The Building
So the power is out and while trying to help her out the suit, Hardcore tries to ask what she is doing later tonight. Julie gets insulted and says she is done with this, as Bug tries to plead with her not to go. Outside, Drummond fixes the fuse so the electricity is back on. Hardcore reveals that they may have lost everything and Bug says they may have to do everything all over again, which Hardcore is okay with. Drummond comes in to ask for the situation, but Bug (who got himself free from the chair) reveals that his hands are tied with the situation. They ask Sol what is up and he is in one of the electric rooms rerouting wires in hopes of fixing the computers. He says that it looks like a power surge has fried most of the IC (Integrated Circuits) chips and the mother board. When Drummond asks for it in English, Sol says they are down and Drummond curses this misfortune.
He goes over and tells Sol that they need to whole system not to go down or they are fucked. Sol basically says he knows and he isn’t helping by saying that. As Bug is playing with his VR set and Hardcore is looking at a magazine, they wonder what they can do while the power is out. Laura, who has been here all along, says they can help her clean, but they laugh off that idea and Hardcore proposes they get out of there. Bug agrees as the place is starting to smell.
Sol then tells Drummond that while the mainframe is fine, the code has been corrupted so they have lost everything. Drummond is furious at this bad luck, but Sol says that he did finish a backup disk and all their work is right there. Hardcore comes in with Bug asking how long is it going to take to download everything back to the mainframe, Sol says that it may take all night. Bug then suggests it sounds like it could be a one man job, but Sol doesn’t want to stay at the place. Drummond volunteers to do it, but it turns out that he really doesn’t know it as Sol tries to explain it with the English version, but Drummond doesn’t understand. They start to question Drummond’s purpose in this team, but he mentions how he has the salesman personality to get them the jobs, which they agree with.
They argue over how to decide this and really don’t want to have this decision based on dumb luck, so Sol gets an idea. The idea is of course to play the backed up version of the game and whoever gets a Game Over first has to stay all night. Laura even volunteers to play as she wants to see their work. Drummond reveals that this is still a rough draft and there is stuff that still hasn’t been finished yet, however Tournament Mode is working so they will use that.
We then hear the story of the game, which is the great eruption of Mt. Edo caused a break in the earth and it opened a gateway to hell. For thousands of years, humans have held back the demons below, but now the demons have a powerful new overlord who has run through Earth’s defenses.
It is revealed that you are the female protagonist who is the last hope for humanity and you must stop the evil overlord of hell. Basically, stop the Evilution….Kill or Be Killed.
So they play.
Oh And One Of The Demons Looks Like A Crap Version Of Pikachu, Definitely Intentional.
It seems Sol has a defective controller and after exploration, he realizes that the cord for his controller was cut off.
Sol tries to screw the others, but he is the first one to die, meaning he will have to stay behind to get everything back up and running.
Bug then loses next and it is a huge shock that the intern Laura is actually really good at the game and she reveals that she was Ms. Pacman Champion three years in a row. Hardcore says they are a long way from Ms. Pacman and just to piss off Hardcore, everyone else puts down money on Laura winning, which she does. In fact, she actually gets to the final boss before dying as the boss is really hard. She is impressed by what they have done and after some self-congratulatory talk from all of them, they decide to go out while Sol stays behind to download everything on the backup disk back into the hard drive. We also get some conversation fun with Bug and Hardcore as they leave.
Bug: I’m going out and getting pissed drunk.
Hardcore: Oh yeah, well I’m going to get me a girl and two tubs of Cool Whip.
Bug: Cool Whip?
Hardcore: I’m lactose intolerant.
At the restaurant bar, Laura gives Drummond her sales pitch by reciting flash cards. She basically reveals that her idea is an app for a Secret Santa. Drummond laughs at it and she thinks he hates the idea. Drummond responds that it has a huge problem in that no one really cares about giving and are far more interested in taking. He explains that every game is about who can take the most. When Laura responds that this isn’t a game, Drummond explains that everything is a game. She explains that this success couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy, he doesn’t like hearing that as he isn’t a nice guy. He then tells Laura this bit of advice.
Drummond: You’ve gotta toughen up, Laura. Life doesn’t give you enough time to be nice, only efficient. You keep putting your trust into things like good and mercy, you’re gonna lose…every single time.
Back with Sol, he puts in his new AI chip in hopes of making an impression and despite the Overload Error, he finds his way to work around that and he realizes the game is starting to finish itself. He goes to play the game and because of the power surge and overloading by the new chip, the motion capture suit comes to life and acts like the final boss.
Sol thinks he starts hearing sounds, but after a quick hello and no answer, he goes to look around. He looks around and sees nothing except some metal jaws from Hardcore’s desk making noise at his arrival, but he fails to notice that the suit that was once there when he entered the room to investigate has now disappeared.
Sol goes back to playing the game, but the boss has somehow come up from the ground.
Then Sol gets grabbed from under the desk and gets pulled.
We hear a struggle and see the game is showing red, normally meaning the player is getting hurt. Sol tries to escape, but the metallic arm grabs his arm and ends any attempt at escape, killing the egotistical programmer.
The Game Over Screen Also Shows Up Signifying That Yes, The Game Is Playing Against The Player In Real Life. Also With Their Being Four Lives Left, That Leaves The Rest Of The Team For When They Come Back.
We go to the next day and Bug drives up to the building, he enters and after looking around, he gets grabbed by Hardcore.
Hardcore puts a hand over Bug’s mouth and tells him not to scream, before showing him the body of Sol on the ground.
Bug wonders what the hell is going on here and Hardcore says he doesn’t know as he found Sol like that. He also says that the backup disk is missing as well. They wonder if they got screwed by a spy and they are unhappy. Bug wants to call the police, but Hardcore says that if they call the police, the place will be locked up and whoever stole the disk can beat them to the market with a copycat game. Actually, whoever stole the disk would be the prime suspect in Sol’s murder and no one competitor would want to touch that disk unless they want to face a MAJOR lawsuit, but it’s this universe so every game company would take it. Bug still tries to call the cops, but the phones are down so that is impossible. Bug tries to fix the cables, but Hardcore convinces him against calling the police because this may be their one last big score. After a bit where Bug thinks Hardcore did it, but is convinced out of that idea, they decide to hide the body and explain that Sol couldn’t take the pressure, which would give them a couple more days to complete the game. It would make them criminals for obstruction of justice, but moving on.
Laura and Drummond arrive at the same time and are greeted by Bug and Hardcore, who have hidden Sol’s body in the broom closet. When asked where Sol is, Hardcore says that it beats him and he thinks the guy took off. When Laura says his car is still here, Hardcore tries to change the subjects by talking about brownies, unaware that his demeanor is kind of suspicious. When Laura asks Bug what is wrong with Hardcore, Bug just goes to the bathroom.
Hardcore then throws the brownies in the trash while calling her a nosy little bitch under his breath. He sees Drummond go into the room and Drummond asks about Sol and the backup disk, but Hardcore says to not worry about it as he will take care of it for him. Hardcore then realizes Drummond is suspicious of his demeanor and tries to cover up by telling Drummond to stay away from the mainframe as the last thing he needs is “some Ivy League know-nothing fucking with his shit”. Drummond says fine and just get it done. Hardcore leaves and neither of them are aware of the motion capture suit being there.
That Must Be Some Houdini Shit That Suit Pulled
Laura goes to check on her mailbox and sees a lot of messages left by some guy named Jeremy. First one saying he waited for her all night and Laura responds in an email that she was working. She goes to the next email and each email after that first one, reveals that this was the stalker and paranoid boyfriend that Laura said her “friend” was dealing with, calling her a liar, a freak, a bitch, a whore, and a cheater. Oh and apparently he is coming over at some point. She goes to call, but the phones are still down. She hears some noise coming from the bathroom, but when she opens the door, she sees Bug’s equipment in there so the growls explained. Bug accidentally scares her and explains that he is fixing up the monster’s voice. She questions why he is doing it in the bathroom and Bug explains that the acoustics sound better in there.
Laura asks about the phone service and Bug recommends using Drummond’s cell. She then goes to the tea, but it is too hot and she drops it. She thinks it is going to be one of those days and goes to the broom closet. Bug gets worried, but when she opens the door, Sol’s body isn’t there surprisingly. Hardcore checks the security cameras, but the footage from last night has been surprisingly deleted.
Did you say DELETE???
Get out of here, Broken Matt. Anyway, Hardcore overrides the deletions and sees that the motion capture suit is what killed Sol. And what impeccable timing, the suit now is now wearing Sol’s body and attacking him.
Laura uses Drummond’s phone to call Jeremy and gets no response. They hear a loud noise and assume the programmers are fighting, but a camera shows Hardcore and Sol fighting. Bug goes to find Hardcore, but finds Hardcore butchering Sol’s body.
This Is Past Suspicious
He tries to proclaim his innocence as the suit with Sol’s body attacked him, but Bug doesn’t believe him and neither does Drummond or Laura. Doesn’t help that the suit can move very fast, although it shouldn’t have been fast enough for Bug not to notice it. They try to calm him down, but Hardcore hears the suit moving and tells them all to leave, which they are willing to do. This proves to be bad for Hardcore as the suit has miraculously gotten Sol’s body back, put it on and attacks the programmer with the long hair.
Laura is upset to learn that Bug knew and did nothing so she wants to call the police. They get interrupted by Hardcore begging them to let him in, but they still do believe he killed them and more blood on him doesn’t help his case, but the hand grabbing Hardcore shows him to be innocent. ‘
Unfortunately, it’s too late for Hardcore as the suit drags him down and kills him.
They again try to call the phones, but they get no reception. Bug looks at the computer and tells everyone that the game is basically playing itself, which is new to him. We then get to see the suit cut up Hardcore’s body and use his pieces as well as other things like the steel jaws and helmet to create his body for the rest of this film.
How Ya Doing, Folks???
Drummond still doesn’t understand the idea that this is just some game to the monster, but Bug says it isn’t just any game, it is their game Evilution which has the tag line of “Kill or Be Killed” and “Where Death is the Only Escape.” Laura asks if they can just stop the game and Bug tries that, but that doesn’t work. When they try to turn everything off, Big says the backup disk is missing. Drummond tries to not care, but Bug says they will lose everything, despite his idea of a utility system. When Drummond asks if he can rebuild the game, Bug says he can just recreate the music as Sol and Hardcore took care of the other stuff. Laura tries to say they will still have their lives, but neither of them seem to care about that as their lives suck as is and this game is the only way they can escape their crappy situations. Bug even tells Laura to just look at him and says that someone like her would never go out with him or kiss his face. Laura says that she might and Bug says he is tired of being a maybe in his life.
Drummond grabs a gun and says he will shut it down as Laura is right. Bug says he will go instead as he still may at least be able to save some of the work. Bug goes back to the office and says that the thing killed Sol and the game is still playing so the backup disk is unnecessary. Drummond tells him to basically forget the disk and shut off the system. As Bug is trying to figure out how to delicately shut the system down, the monster starts destroying the cameras. Drummond goes to investigate in hopes that the suit hasn’t left that room. A hand falls on Bug and he gets worried, thinking the monster could be anywhere. But it turns out it was only on the stairs and grabs Drummond through a door.
This Monster Has Some Damn Good Sneaking Mechanisms. Makes Me Wonder If They Didn’t Add Some Solid Snake Into Its Design.
Bug stops being careful and just sticks a screwdriver into a socket, which kind of gives Bug a shock.
Unfortunately, this whole act of sabotage causes the entire place to lockdown and all three people are trapped in different rooms. Lights go out and the monster leaves while all three people are in separate rooms. Oh and also the game still hasn’t stopped so that did nothing but make things worse for them. Drummond wonders what they do now and Bug says he says to just leave, but they can’t. They hear a knock at the door and see that Laura’s boyfriend Jeremy is here.
Played Hyde From That 70s Show In An Uncredited Role. Considering He Was On A Hit Show And Has Basically A Cameo For A Direct To Cinemax Film, I Could Understand Why He Might Have Wanted To Be Uncredited Here.
He knocks on the door and the three try to say they are in here, but trapped. Jeremy can’t hear them and goes on a rant, calling Laura all types of horrible names. After a while, Laura just ignores his rants and realizes he is of no help. Laura grabs a gun and calls for Bug and Drummond, but only hears footsteps coming from above the ceiling.
Laura sees the wound on Drummond from the monster when the monster had him and takes off her over-shirt to cover it up. Her arms reveal scratches and bruises that you can guess Jeremy did.
Drummond is concerned by those wounds and Laura says it is nothing. Drummond says they are going to use the air ducts to get out of their and searches for schematics of the place. Drummond reveals that they didn’t have time to build the game levels from scratch so they built the levels based on the building layout. Bug goes to the roof vent, but he is too small to get through it. He jumps too many times and the duct collapses under him.
He tries to recover and hears growls and taunts. He thinks it is the monster, but sees his equipment and thinks it is just that. He ignores it as it says “Mmm…Fresh Meat”, “Programmed For Damage”, and “Scary Is A Scary Does”, but cannot ignore the taunts when it says “Shut Up, Bug”. Bug turns around and realizes that it was the monster all along.
Drummond and Laura go through the air ducts and mention that the panels can’t hold both of them. Drummond calls for Bug, but unfortunately Bug is having some issues right now.
The monster throws Bug around, but not before Bug breaks the stove with a gas mane leaking. With no other alternative, Bug has to sacrifice himself and blow the room up.
Laura and Drummond hear the explosion, see the flames, and fall through the air duct before the flames consume them.
They realize that Bug might have sacrificed himself and they find that he indeed did in an attempt to stop the monster.
Drummond is saddened and Laura remembers earlier and gives Bug’s corpse a kiss for his noble sacrifice.
A noble sacrifice for the man who wanted more than to be a nerd and in the end, he gets his kiss that he wanted, but it is bittersweet as he is dead. A good way to end this movie on as they es….this film still has 20 minutes, doesn’t it?
Drummond tries to get the steel door open, but of course there is no luck on that. Laura then realizes that Hardcore’s palm pilot has wireless access which means they can email for help. While looking for it, she notices that the health for the monster is regenerating on the video game.
Laura sees the monster near Drummond and calls out to him. Drummond tries to shoot the monster, but it knocks the gun out of his hand before he can get a single shot. The monster is about to kill him, but Laura takes a control and tries to use it to fight the monster in the video game. The monster acts in defense of during the video game and she is able to knock him down. Laura tells Drummond that the digital model is controlled by the video game and basically the only way to beat it is to beat the game. They go to a separate computer instead of fighting him in the computer in that one room where he is down and play the game.
Unfortunately, she is having issues with the game as the monster in the game has learned all her moves so she is having issues. Drummond says it can’t do that as it is just a game and Laura explains that it isn’t just a game, it’s everything the programmers put into it like Hardcore’s intensity, Sol’s attitude, and even a bit of Bug. She starts losing it and Drummond slaps her.
Laura responds by slapping Drummond back.
He smiles and says he was wondering when she was eventually going to learn. Drummond gives her the VR goggles and thinks it might work better with those.
She hears “Rip For The Picking” and thinks that the monster may be in the room they are in. After a look around, they go back to the VR goggles and the game with Drummond promises if the monster is near, it will have to go through him first. Laura plays the game and the monster disappears. Laura wonders where it went and realizes that Drummond has disappeared as well.
She then hears noise coming from a vent and of course it is the monster.
Laura tries to hide, but the monster pushes a chair near her, telling her “Game On”. Laura runs and is sees a hole on the floor where they were before. The Monster grabs her and throws her down the hole.
The monster (instead of going down the hole and finishing Laura off) goes somewhere else, I’m guessing to find Drummond. Laura gets up after a few minutes, although she is in a bit of pain. She wakes up and sees Hardcore’s head and runs. She goes to look for Hardcore’s palm pilot and finds it. She was unable to get email and finds Hardcore was overriding security cameras and we see who stole the backup disk.
Turns Out It Was Drummond, Who Had Come To The Building Earlier To Steal The Disk And The Pretending To Be Late
We see that Drummond is nearby and is trying once again to hack into the security to open the doors when he is confronted by Laura, with a gun pointed at him. Drummond realizes that she knows he was going to sell them out. Drummond tries to talk her down and says she could trust him, but Laura tells him not to say that as her ex-boyfriend (Jeremy) used to say that. When asked why, Drummond explains his reasons in the douchiest way possible
Drummond: I don’t know. What answer do you want to hear, Laura? Greed? No, no, that’s too simple…even though CompuRom is paying me a lot of money for this. Ambition? No, selling out your own company never looks good. Mom needs an operation? Now wouldn’t that be nice if it were true. See…I wish I could boil it down to one convenient little answer for you, intern; but the thing is if you have to ask, then you really haven’t learned a damn thing, have you? So don’t ask me why, ask yourself…why not.
When asked what about her deal with Faye with the business card with his name on it, Drummond casually says who cares. He says that may impress her folks, but in the real world, money is the only way the keep score. She wonders if it even means killing the other programmers and Drummond says he create that monster, they did. He says Laura even said it herself as with all that fighting and all that greed, put that into a computer and you get a really scary mess. He then says the real world is messy and people are messy. He then insults her by saying she might be too naïve to believe that or too stupid to learn. He says it separates them from the haves and the have nots. He says that it makes him a decision maker and her a door mat. He calls himself a winner and is about to call her a loser, but Laura shoots him in the leg.
As he is on the ground in pain, Drummond calls her a fucking bitch. He says that it is good as she is finally learning. Laura says that it is over for him. Drummond then taunts her some more as she goes to leave.
Drummond: Over? Oh please! I’ll tell the jury it was the pressure. It was my childhood. It was the game. Because no one wants to believe that we’re capable of such darkness, all on our own. That deep down inside, we’re all monsters. So it’s not over, not yet.
He aims the crossbow at her, but Laura says that isn’t what she meant. A roar is heard and Drummond realizes that she meant that it is over because the monster is going to kill him and she isn’t going to save him this time. He begs for Laura’s help, but it isn’t happening as the monster kills him and rips his head off.
Laura then gets a sword and VR googles in preparation for battle.
She then has this line.
Laura: Hey, pig fucker! Game on.
The battle commences and after a few minutes of battle, Laura realizes that she is going to need help as every time she puts the monster down, he recovers and gets back up quickly. The monster then taunts her with the whole “You’ll learn, intern. You’ll learn” quote that has been said several times. She decides to destroy the fish tank and allow the water to electrocute him.
The monster falls down and the monster is unable to easily get back up like before. Laura puts the sword through him and finishes him off.
We then go to the monster being killed in the game and the kids thinking the game is awesome.
By The Way, The Little Girl In The Room Went On To Be A Pretty Good Voice Actress And Is The Current English Voice Actress For Sakura In The Street Fighter Games.
Faye congratulates Laura on the game being a success with the testers. But it seems that Laura wants more and Faye doesn’t understand that. She then says she wants the one million dollar bonus that she was offering, despite Laura being an intern. Faye tries to guilt Laura into backing down by saying that there is no one could back up her story Drummond killed the others, CompuRom has never heard of him, and there is no security footage. Laura then laughs at these accusations and explains that MicroSync releases Evilnator this fall and it is remarkably similar to Evilution, adding that it would be a shame if they were to beat them into market. Faye says that they are months behind them and how could they hope to beat them. Laura then explains her ultimate move.
She Has The Back Up Disk And Basically Wonders What The Competition Will Do For This (AKA They Will Pay A Shit Ton For It)
Faye gets it and starts writing her a check.
We then go to a year later and we see that Laura has taken over the company.
We then see Laura on the phone yelling at a developer for the monster being bad in an upcoming game called Satan Clause.
A new intern comes in and Laura wants to hear her questions about the job.
The intern asks three questions and for each of them, Laura just gives her a snide answer about how that is a dumb question and she should ask something better. The intern gets tired and tells Laura that she is trying to be nice and all, but Laura cuts her off by saying she shouldn’t be nice. The intern asks why and Laura has this response.
Laura: Because the world is not nice. It is complicated and it is messy. It is overflowing with arrogance and greed and uncertainty. There is a lot of heinous shit. It’s a world where bad wins out every single time. Now maybe you’re too naïve to believe that or too stupid to learn it. But if you believe in the good and mercy of others, you will always lose. You will always be the victim. And then you’ll learn, intern. You’ll learn…
As she is saying this, we see her looking at the water to reveal the big twist of the game once you win.
And with Laura saying that last bit of that dialogue, the movie ends. I know it is a downer ending, but considering who is the Republican’s and Democrat’s choices for president and the tactics cronies are using on undecided voters (aka vote shaming by saying that if you don’t vote for their choice, you are voting for the other guy and you should be ashamed of yourself), she isn’t exactly wrong
With this being a straight to Cinemax film, there isn’t much aftermath to this film. Clea Duvall (who played Laura) has basically done work on TV shows like Heroes, American Horror Story, and Veep, although her most known for acting as one of the six rescued diplomats in Argo. She has also gone into directing work in 2016 with a film called the Intervention. Steven Culp (who played Drummond) has also gone into TV work being in shows like JAG, The West Wing, and Desperate Housewives. Jason Marsden (who played Bug) has gone on to do voice work in so many shows like Legend of Korra, Transformers: Rescue Bots, as well as a lot of DC Warner Bros. animated shows and movies. Danny Masterson (who was the cameo as Jeremy) currently has a Netflix show called the Ranch where he stars alongside Ashton Kutcher (who he also worked with in That 70s Show) and Sam Elliot (who you may remember from my induction of Frogs although most of you know him as that guy with the big white mustache who has that recognizable voice in stuff like The Big Lebowski). But probably most notable of the credited cast is Tyler Mane (who played Hardcore) as he went on to become Rob Zombie’s version of Michael Myers (my detesting opinion of those Rob Zombie films not withstanding). The only sad passing is that of the special effects master Stan Winston, who died in 2008 after a seven year battle with multiple myeloma.
Like with all of these films in this summer, I like this film despite its problems. While yes, you do have to go with certain things in this film like the kids being testers for violent video games and the basic cut-throat opinion of the video game industry. The characters are likable despite their many flaws that would normally make most characters unlikable. I feel the acting was very good (which helped with making the unlikable characters likable) and the ending fit with the progression of the main character. Critics say this film is only for people who don’t like video games and I disagree as the person who ended up surviving out of the group was ultimately the one who was best at playing the video game (she was Ms. Pac-Man champ several years in a row). I understand it is depressing because the main character progresses to being a not nice person, but based on what happened around her…I could see her becoming cutthroat because that was the only way she could make it. So yeah, I like the film, but I know plenty of people who wouldn’t. But go watch the original film and try to say this film was not better than that boring film.
So unfortunately everything has to come to an end as I only have one film left for my summer where I get to induct films I like, but I know could be considered bad. And this one most of you may have heard of since it is the most recent and there has been a sequel coming out every year with more cameos because this film has become a social media viewing phenomenon. Heck, the last one came out just a month ago and with that out of the way, I think you all know what film is getting inducted.